If I Were...

Imagine all the power and fame you could have if you were one of the band members...and there's also all that other stuff you could do that I bet no one has thought about! Here is what I would do if I could be each of the band members...

If I were Rob, I would....

- Shoot as many of those critics as I could before someone would notice.

- Wear flourescent clothing so I could get MORE attention.

- Ask the audience why they bothered to come.

- Eat as much cheese as possible just to spite Stephen Jenkins.

- Write really sappy songs, growl while recording them, and get the reputation for writing really good rock songs.

- Start a country band for the hell of it.

- Hit on Paul. (come on, you know he wants too!)

- During the talking part to Long Day at the end of the concert, babble on for three hours about my elementary school years. Or...

- Start singing after the talking part of Long Day is done..then stop...and start talking again...then start singing..then start talking again..just to screw with everyone's minds.

- Say really stupid things in the microphone and wonder at the fact that I am still getting cheered at. ("Hey...everyone...BOOGLE!" ::audience cheers wildly::)

- Rename the band: Rob Thomas et al. so that I sound educated.

- Talk with a lisp for an entire concert and act like nothing is wrong.

- Say into the microphone towards the end of the concert: 'God dammit I am SWEATY!'

- Go down in the audience with the mic and ask the people what they are feeling when they listen to the songs, then write down what they say on a little notepad, and tuck it into my pocket for future reference.

Rob's already begun his exploration of his girly side! - Convince Paul that he looks REALLY GOOD in drag. (not that he needs any encouragement!)

- Go into the chat room and give out Brian's e-mail address.

- Get myself hired for a porn movie.

- Explore my "feminine side"

If I were Adam, I would...

- Push Rob out of the way at a photo shoot at the last second so I could be in the front.

- See what I could do at getting my own tour bus.

- Stage dive...just for the hell of it.

- Go into the chat room and yell at anyone who swears.

- Take the batteries out of Rob's mic and refuse to give him mine when no one can hear him, then take over as lead singer.

- Start dressing like the biker from the Village People.

- Call the rest of the band breakfast foods...Rob could be Scrambled Eggs, Kyle could be Pancakes, Brian could be Bacon, and Paul could be Waffles!

- Do a magic show in the middle of a concert..just to see if anyone was actually paying attention to me.

If I were Brian, I would...

- Disappear for a year or so and see if anyone noticed.

- Smush a banana into Rob's shirt right before he puts it on for a concert.

- Order a car online and charge it to Adam's credit card.

- Sneak a box of frozen waffles onstage with me and when Kyle starts playing whip them at him to see how many it takes before he falls offstage. Then blame it on Paul.

- Get an extra large condom and put it on Rob's head while he's sleeping...or high...whichever comes first.

- Start making the band call me "Da Cool Guy" in hopes of replacing "Pookie."

- Surprise everyone at interviews when they find out I can talk and that I have an opinion of my own.

- Go on strike and see what happens.

If I were Paul, I would...

- Get myself some shoes with heels at least 2" tall

Now what's THIS pose about? - Find out what my natural hair color is...

- Order up a storm with the Victoria's Secret catalog.

- Start crying hysterically onstage to see what happens.

- Write to the Spice Girls fan club: "You have GOTTA get Geri back!"

- Sneak a dog on the bus and put it in Adam's bed.

- Hit on Rob (he wants it too..lol)

- Act out my plan to overthrow Rob and become lead singer.

- Replace Brian's hair bleach with Nair.

- Shortsheet Rob's bed.

If I were Kyle, I would...

- Learn to play guitar with my feet.

- Put pepper into Rob's water on stage.

- Publicly announce my secret obsession with Jordan Knight.

- Get random piercings on my body and show them off to people on the street.

- Wear tighter pants..everything down there has gone numb anyway.

- Spread rumors around the net that Monica Lewinsky and Paul are a "thing."

- Keep growin that beard...just to see if I lose any sex appeal.

- Announce right at the beginning of the concert that I'm gay and pregnant with Rob's baby.

If I were Ben, I would...

- Try to attend at least some photo shoots or video shoots or interviews so I can be acknowledged as existing.

- Move my keyboards right up front during a concert...right where Rob sings.

- Become pen pals with a prison inmate named Bubba.

- Try to make my hair stand straight up.

- Do a strip show in the middle of a concert in hopes of getting SOME attention, even if it's by security.

- Using my hypnotic powers, hypnotize Kyle into believing HE is the keyboardist and I'M the lead guitarist.

- Get cardboard cut-outs of all the guys, put them naked in a jacuzzi, take a picture, and threaten to release it if I'm not officially named as a member of the band.

- Get my own damn photo shoot so there can be more than one picture of me on all the websites.